Pickles and Blueberries
by XXforget-x-me-x-notXX
Summary: We seriously don't know what we were thinking. XXforget-x-me-x-notXX and ChipsAhoypup combine into this crack-filled collab just to make you laugh so much that you puke. For real.


A/N Chips: Hello. This is our collab of crackness. ^-^

A/N XXforget-x-me-x-notXX: Yay! The insanity!

Chips: Umum... I like pickles. And chocolate. BUT NOT AT THE SAME TIME! ^-^;

XXforget-x-me-x-notXX: Ewww, pickles.

Chips: OHCRAP! PICKLE-HATER ALERT! D=

XXforget-x-me-x-notXX: PICKLES ARE CUCUMBERS SOAKED IN *EVIL*!!!!!!!!!!

Chips: Well... well... blueberries are cherries that are painted BLUE! HA!

XXforget-x-me-x-notXX: LE GASP! you take that back!!

Chips: NEVARRRR! *runs away*

XXforget-x-me-x-notXX: Well, she's gone... Enjoy the crazy story! And review, or we'll come out of this screen and get you! ^_^

NOTE: The italics is Narrator # 1 (ChipsAhoyPup) and the bold is Narrator # 2 (Xxforgetx-x-me-x-notXX)

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_Mel is bored._

**Charlotte was also bored.**

_Mel turned to Charlotte._ "WE SHOULD TOTALLY DO SOMETHING RIGHT NOW!"

**Charlotte nodded.** "Yeah! But what?"

"Something involving Fruits Basket since this is a Fruits Basket fanfic," _Said Mel, feeling intelligent. _

"Ohmygod, you're right, it is!!" **Charlotte replied, having a revelation.**

"But, hmmm.... where are the Fruits Basket characters anyways?" _Mel asked._ _The closet was bulging but she didn't notice anyways._

_Oh, and also, just so people out there know, the closet is bulging because the Fruits Basket characters are in there._

"The Fruits Basket characters are in the closet?" _Crap, Mel's on to me. Even though she is me. Wait... what?_

**Charlotte turned to the closet.** "Hey, the Fruits Basket characters should definitely come out of the closet now."

"Ahaha, come out of the closet," _Mel said, using horrible references. And then the closet collapsed. Yay._

"What were we doing in there??" **Kyo asked, quite annoyed.**

"Oh, we wrote you into the closet, Kyo!" **Charlotte said very happily.**

**And Kyo was confused, and very unaware that he is not real.**

"What? I'm not real?"

**Forget I said anything.**

___Poor Kyo. And everyone else. And me. And Charlotte. Long list. Crap._

"...What's with the voice?" _Hiro asked._

_Oh crap. Hiro's here._

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"It means no one likes you," _Mel said happily._

"I like him," **Kisa said in an annoyingly sweet voice with a sickeningly cute smile.**

"Ugh, gag me with a spoon!" **Charlotte groaned, throwing popcorn at Kisa.**

**Wait, where did you get the popcorn?**

"Oh, I stole it from Haru!"

"HEY!!!" **Haru is now going black. He REALLY likes his popcorn.**

"Yay, popcorn," _Cried out Mel, ignoring Haru's blacknessness._

_But blackness doesn't have another ness. So that's just too bad._

"Wait, what?" _Haru said, going white again._

"No one knows," _Said Mel, eating some of the popcorn. _"Yum."

**Yuki sighed.** "What on Earth is going on?"

**Charlotte shrugged.** "Who knows, who cares. It's not like this is any weirder than your normal life."

**Yuki considered this.** "That's true."

**Wait, why don't I get any popcorn?**

"You're the narrator, can't you make some appear?" **Charlotte asked.**

**Oh, true... And it started raining popcorn!**

_Actually, technically, there are TWO narrators switching back and forth._

"Wait, does that really matter?" _Mel asked. Too bad it did._

_Then it rained chocolate bars._

"OW! They're hitting me on the head," _Mel whined._

"Yay, chocolate!" _Momiji cried out, catching them out of the air like the bunny he is._

"I HATE CHOCOLATE!" **Kyo shouted, taking cover under the bed.**

**However, Rin was next to him.** "Oh, hi Kyo."

"What the..." **Kyo tried to say.**

**Kyo is completely in love with Rin.**

"WHAT!?!? I'LL KILL YOU, KYO!!!" **Haru shouted.**

**Don't shout, Haru, I have a headache.**

"Sorry, Narrator #2," Haru said.

"I'm not in love with Rin!"

**Now you are, Kyo.**

___Wait, we can make random stuff happen?_

"Duh, Narrator #1,"_ Said Hiro._

_Shut up, Hiro. I still hate you._

"Fine," _Growled Hiro._

_And then Kureno fell off a cliff and died._

"No I didn't," _Kureno said._

_YES YOU DID! YOU TOTALLY DID!_

_And Mel pushed him off the cliff. So I was right._

**Where did the cliff come from?**

"From Narrator #1's imagination, duh, Narrator #2," **Charlotte explained to herself. What?**

**I get it now.**

**Oh, I want to kill someone! Can I, please? Please??**

"Of course you can, you don't have to ask, you're one of the NARRATORS," **Rin said, rolling her eyes.**

**Just for that, Rin...**

**Rin then all of a sudden was electrocuted by Yuki's minions. And she died. So ha.**

"Why my minions?"

**Why not, Yuki? Why not?**

"Nooo!!! Rin, my love!" **Haru sobbed. Aw, poor Haru, now you're in love with Kagura, because she's not dead.**

"Wait, what?"** Kagura said, very confused, and somehow dragged into the plotline.**

___AND THEN YUKI AND KYO FELL IN LOVE!_

"You did NOT just go there," _Growled Yuki._

_Oh, yes I did, Yuki. Yes I did._

_Mel came back from where she'd pushed Kureno off a cliff._ "I feel happy now," _Said Mel._

_So then another chocolate bar hit her on the head_. "WHY AM I BEATING MYSELF UP?" _Mel asked._

_No one understood this. Not even me._

"I'M SORRY THAT EVERYONE'S GETTING HURT AND DYING AND FALLING IN LOVE!" _Ritsu suddenly screamed._

_GRAWR, RITSU IS HURTING MY HEAD! So I made dogs tear him to pieces. Yay._

"When will the madness end??" **Hatori said.**

**Wow, Hatori, you're stupid. It'll never end. NEVER**.

"Yay!" **Ayame cheered happily.**

**Oh, that reminds me...**

"I love you, Ayame!" **Yuki said, all heartfelt.**

"I did not say that! Stop it!" **Yuki was very annoyed with me for giving away his true feelings.**

"THEY AREN'T MY TRUE FEELINGS!!" **Yuki shouted.**

**Wow, touchy! Calm down, Yun~Yun.**

"Grr..."

"Get me out of here!" **Akito groaned, hitting her head against the wall.**

"HER head??" **Kyo asked.**

___Oh, yeah. Akito's a girl._

"Since when?" _Yuki asked._

_Since birth, stupid Yuki. STUPID STUPID YUKI!_

"SHUT UP!" _Snapped Yuki, even though he secretly loved that I was teasing him._

"I DO NOT!" _But Yuki was in denial._

_Then Kureno came back from the dead as a zombie._

"WHAT?!" _Shouted Kyo, extremley terrified of the dumb Kureno zombie._

"I'M NOT TERRIFIED!" _Kyo was in denial too._

__**No! Kureno can't come back! Someone kill him again!**

"Idiot, that won't do any good!" **Hatori snapped.** "He's a zombie, he's already dead."

**Shut up, Hatori. You aren't supposed to contradict either narrator.**

**And suddenly Hatori was suspended over a tank of bloodthirsty sharks.**

**Hatori then screamed like a little girl.**

"No, I didn't!"

**Oh, you're right, you screamed like a baby girl.**

"..." **Hatori didn't like the fact that I was right, so he didn't say anything.**

**And then Kureno zombie killed Tohru.**

**Hey, thanks, zombie Kureno!**

_Awesome, Tohru's dead!_

_Then Barney appeared and sang, _"I love you, you love me!"

_So Kureno died again. Because love kills zombies, of course._

_But I hate Barney, so I killed him._

"Why is Barney here anyways? He's not part of Fruits Basket!" _Shouted Kyo, angry that I had killed his idol._

"BARNEY IS NOT MY IDOL!" _Kyo's STILL in denial._ "Grr..." _Kyo stormed away, still angry that I had killed his role-model. Poor Kyo._

**Hm, I don't think the fruits Basket characters are miserable enough...**

"YES, WE ARE!!!" **Hatori shouted.**

**No, no, I disagree.**

**Suddenly, Hiro was tied to a pole, with duct tape over his mouth, so he could talk all.**

"Mff gnnn mff!!" **Hiro said.**

**Sorry, I can't understand you.**

**Ritsu and Kisa randomly turned into their animals and they were both put into a zoo.**

"MFF GNN MFF!!!" **Hiro shouted, clearly worried about Ritsu, his lover.**

"MFF HNNN FFF FFGMMM!!!!"

**Hiro, I still don't know what you're saying.**

**And then Hatori fell into the shark tank.**

**Oops.**

_Still not miserable enough..._

"YOU'RE KILLING US!" _Shouted Kyo._

_So Kyo turned into a cat and was given to a little girl, who took him away and put bows in his ears and on his tail._

"What?" _Said Yuki, scared that Kyo might now be a girl, since Yuki was gay._

"I'M NOT GAY!" _Yuki shouted. But he was. And so was Ayame._

"I don't go in denial," _Ayame said happily._

_Wow... that was easy._

"Hey, Shigure, come watch the torturing with us!" **Charlotte said, offering some popcorn and a chair.**

"Okay!" **Shigure replied, not at all affected by his family being tortured.**

**Who haven't we made completely miserable, Narrator #1? OH, I KNOW!**

**Then all of a sudden Machi was tied to a chair, forced to watch a movie full of things that are perfect.**

"Leave her alone!" **Yuki protested.**

**No, Yuki, I don't want to.**

___Wow. Then Kimi was suddenly forced to speak in first person._

"But Kimi doesn't want to," _Said Kimi._

_So then she was drowned in a lake full of pihranas. That wasn't ironic at all!_

"Actually, it wasn't!" _Shouted Yuki._

_Okay, Yuki's getting on my nerves now._

_So Yuki turned into a mouse and there was a huge mouse trap next to him with a HUGE piece of cheese. Yuki jumped at the cheese and got caught in the mouse trap._

"Yay!" _Shouted Mel, happy at Yuki's dispair._

**Charlotte munched on the popcorn with Shigure. **"This has to be the best non-movie I've ever seen," **she declared.**

**And then a meteor crashed into Arisa and Saki. They both died!**

"You didn't have to add that they both died!" **Hatori said.**

**Didn't I kill you?**

"Yes, you did."

**Then why aren't you dead?**

"..."

**And the Hatori was killed by a pack of rabid badgers.**

"Badgers? Seriously?" **Charlotte sighed, annoyed with herself.**

**Yes, badgers!!**

"Cool, I want to argue with myself!" _Mel shouted._

_Too bad, Mel. You suck at comebacks, I'd never argue with you._

"YEAH, WELL... YOUR MOM!" _Mel yelled at me._

_You did not just go there. To take out my rage, I killed a bunny._

"YOU KILLED MY COUSIN," _Sobbed Momiji. Sorry, Momiji. You're still cute._

"What the crap?" _Asked Mel._

_I dig deep, Mel._

"..."

_And now I'm speechless at myself. Awesome._

"MFF, MFF GNN NN!!!" **Hiro shouted.**

**Stop speaking Gibberish, Hiro!!!**

**And then everyone in Fruits Basket got hit by a giant magical school bus.**

___What the crap? The Magic School Bus? There needs to be a better death then that._

"I'm still alive!" _Shouted Mel._

_But then the biggest chocolate bar in the world crushed her. How sad. What she loved had killed her._

"What? I'm the only one left?"** Charlotte asked.**

**Yes, but I will kill you momentarily.**

"Is this suicide or homicide?"

**Good question. One that I refuse to answer.**

**Charlotte then exploded. Randomly. For no reason at all.**

_Is that the end? No._

_Barney had come back to life._

_But too bad for him, because teddy bears hate Barney._

_A LARGE ARMY OF TEDDY BEARS TACKLED BARNEY AND KILLED HIM!_

_And then a dog came up and ate the teddy bears._

_And the dog lived happily ever after. _

_**THE END**_


End file.
